Monday, April 28, 2014
Hi guys! For anyone who's still reading and checking in I have a lot to catch you up on! I'm finally in a place where I can revisit my accident and I believe it will be therapeutic to reflect on those first few entries and put on paper where I am today:)
Unfortunately I will not be starting today as Vicky and I are already into a bottle of wine and am exhausted after returning from a short visit to Sandpoint Idaho. But you will hear more from me soon!
Lots of Love
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day 8 (March 10)
March 10-
Today they started my liquid diet, which sucks but at least I get to put something in my mouth, chicken broth and disgusting jello. I can’t swallow liquids very well so every time I drink something I feel like I’m choking, it sucks because it hurts my head a lot when I choke down water. I had my first physical Therapy session today, i stood up with a walker and started doing exercises to keep the and regain the musles in the limbs I have'nt been using.
I know what happened! Last night James came in and told me to get some sleep, I haven’t slept in three days which is part of the reason I’m hallucinating. I told him about the dream places I go to and how horrible it is, and he doesn’t understand, I tell him how horrible life is and how I have faith in nothing anymore, I try to talk to him about the dreams I believe are real life and he seems confused, I tell him this is a bad dream as well but at least he’s here with me. Then he says something I don’t understand, he says this is real life.
I don’t get it, I try to explain the nightmares. All of them are just that he says…nightmares. Now, I’m somewhat relieved, all the horrible things that are going on in my life aren’t real?! (Ryan’s an amputee from war, my parents were almost killed now they are missing their eyes and teeth, there was a murder in our house, James left me to go to New York, my mom has been starving me for a weird science experiment which is taking out my memories through my dreams and making me retarded, my dad is making me sell my brain to be eaten by people who believe it will make them pretty, I have no hair, I have to wear a helmet that records my thoughts trough the TV, James dad hates me and crashes a boat into my parents house which is now just a weird experimental room that looks like a hospital and I am to be sold as a sex slave when my legs start working and my voice box will be cut out), this is amazing. I ask him, so you want me to go to sleep and when I wake up I’ll be able to walk out of here and go home to San Diego? I’m excited, yea I’ve been living in a nightmare the past 10 days but now it’s over and I’m going home. I close my eyes and open them again, I’m still in this horrible room still unable to move my left side. He is still there looking at me with the saddest eyes. Then he tells me, everything was a dream Rik, but this, this is real. But this dream is one of the worst. I don’t believe him, what happened? I want to scream, What is going on!!?? Then he explains, I was in a car accident, I had to have brain surgery, every day I get better, that’s why I need to sleep. One day we can go back to our old lives but this is life for now. I notice a huge get well sign made by my little sister, I remember Vikki hanging it up the night before. I ask him if he tells me this every day, he says this is the first, I ask him to write it on my arm so I can read it when I wake up. He says he’ll be here when I wake up and he’ll tell me again. When I woke up today, I didn’t need a reminder my memory was back and my nightmares were gone. Im back!
Today they started my liquid diet, which sucks but at least I get to put something in my mouth, chicken broth and disgusting jello. I can’t swallow liquids very well so every time I drink something I feel like I’m choking, it sucks because it hurts my head a lot when I choke down water. I had my first physical Therapy session today, i stood up with a walker and started doing exercises to keep the and regain the musles in the limbs I have'nt been using.
I know what happened! Last night James came in and told me to get some sleep, I haven’t slept in three days which is part of the reason I’m hallucinating. I told him about the dream places I go to and how horrible it is, and he doesn’t understand, I tell him how horrible life is and how I have faith in nothing anymore, I try to talk to him about the dreams I believe are real life and he seems confused, I tell him this is a bad dream as well but at least he’s here with me. Then he says something I don’t understand, he says this is real life.
I don’t get it, I try to explain the nightmares. All of them are just that he says…nightmares. Now, I’m somewhat relieved, all the horrible things that are going on in my life aren’t real?! (Ryan’s an amputee from war, my parents were almost killed now they are missing their eyes and teeth, there was a murder in our house, James left me to go to New York, my mom has been starving me for a weird science experiment which is taking out my memories through my dreams and making me retarded, my dad is making me sell my brain to be eaten by people who believe it will make them pretty, I have no hair, I have to wear a helmet that records my thoughts trough the TV, James dad hates me and crashes a boat into my parents house which is now just a weird experimental room that looks like a hospital and I am to be sold as a sex slave when my legs start working and my voice box will be cut out), this is amazing. I ask him, so you want me to go to sleep and when I wake up I’ll be able to walk out of here and go home to San Diego? I’m excited, yea I’ve been living in a nightmare the past 10 days but now it’s over and I’m going home. I close my eyes and open them again, I’m still in this horrible room still unable to move my left side. He is still there looking at me with the saddest eyes. Then he tells me, everything was a dream Rik, but this, this is real. But this dream is one of the worst. I don’t believe him, what happened? I want to scream, What is going on!!?? Then he explains, I was in a car accident, I had to have brain surgery, every day I get better, that’s why I need to sleep. One day we can go back to our old lives but this is life for now. I notice a huge get well sign made by my little sister, I remember Vikki hanging it up the night before. I ask him if he tells me this every day, he says this is the first, I ask him to write it on my arm so I can read it when I wake up. He says he’ll be here when I wake up and he’ll tell me again. When I woke up today, I didn’t need a reminder my memory was back and my nightmares were gone. Im back!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 5, 6 &7 (trying to get current)
Day 5 (March 7)
I am awake. But, there is a huge tube going down my throat. I don’t understand why it is there. I just keep gagging. I think if I throw up it might come out. In my dreams I am trying to throw up too. In my dreams Vikki says, “Don’t force it if you have to puke you have to puke.” I’m really confused. Someone tells me it’s helping me breathe, but I know I can breathe on my own. So, I try to pull it out. For some reason I remember being told, “If I don’t calm down none of my friends or family will be able to come visit me again.” Although this scares me, I think, that’s okay, I’ll just leave. At this point I think I’m doing a voluntary experiment. I think imp doing this for a favor to my mom for saving my life when a Ninja couple broke into our house and tried to kill us. Of course, that was a dream as well. But my dreams for the past five days have been my reality. And this place that I open my eyes to doesn’t make any sense. Since I was trying to take out the respirator and the other tubes they had to restrain me. I hated my restraint. In my dreams I was restrained as well. But it was to a video game system. For some reason I was being forced to play. I didn’t like playing it because it bumped around and hurt my head.
Day 6 March 8
Vikki wants to write…
Ryan and I got the night shift…I was super excited though because I finally was going to have alone time with an awake Rikki. I got there and my mom told me she was restrained because she was trying to pull out her tubes…I hurried my mom out there and finally got my alone time. She was speaking. The first thing she said was, “ah ah ehhhhh, take this thing off.” So Ryan took her restraint off. Her arm went crazy! Pulling at her tubes in her arm and her catheter…and even reaching up to swat her head! I yelled at Ryan, grab her hand. And he did…she would ask very politely to let go, and he would say, “I will if you promise to calm down.” She obliged, he’d let go and she would go crazy again. She was trying to leave too…she kept kicking and pushing the bed with all her might, on her right side, because at this point her left side still did not move. She had so much strength. It made me very happy. But, Ryan learned real quickly to stop untying her restraint. We were no longer fooled.
I remember doing this, but I remember it differently, I was tied up to a chair and I couldn’t get out, everyone was up and having a good time and I was tied to a chair, I asked Vikki’s boyfriend to free me I was begging him to cut me loose, I wanted to hang out and have fun too, but why wouldn’t anyone let me? What did I do to deserve this?
Vikki again….It also made me very sad to see her like this. I was so excited to hang out with her but she didn’t want to hang out with me. She kept asking for James. I kept telling her that he needs to sleep and please hang out with me but she just kept asking for him. She began petting Ryan’s head. She just stared at him completely ignoring me. I tried not to be jealous, not only was I not getting any attention but she was giving it to my man! But, I thought whatever, at least she’d calm. It wasn’t until later that I realized the reason she was petting Ryan is because she thought he was James. I told her that Ryan was Ryan and James was not there. I told her this over and over until she said, “I know that that is Ryan, I’m talking to James…he is standing right behind him.” I knew we had a problem…should I tell her she was seeing things or go along with it??? I decided to tell her she was just seeing things. She ignored me and instead started to talk to her imaginary James. She said, “James, why are you being so negative? Come here, come here…lay with me James.” I thought, uh oh, how is this going to end? She grabbed her pillow, cuddled it and at 6am, for the first time in 6 hours, she closed her eyes. And then 2 minutes later my shift was over, and Kate came in, and Rikki woke up.
In my dreams everyone was mad at James and he wasn’t allowed to see me, for some reason they were all keeping him away, for my defense Vikki’s boyfriend was wearing one of James shirts, in my dreams he was pretending to be James and I was really very annoyed. No I did not want to sleep I was afraid of my nightmares, but I was also afraid of reality because my hallucinations were taking over any form of reality I had.
My favorite story from this day however was when she asked me, in the best voice I’d heard from her yet…”oh my god, I’m a a…retard. I’m retarded.” I cried for the first time in front of her as I told her no…and I had to step out of the room.
Ok, this I remember as well, I was doing my experimental work for my mom, I didn’t want to but I promised her I would stay until I was done because she had saved my life from the ninjas…dreams. And vikki snuck in and told me the treatments I was doing for my mom were making me worse. Vikki in my dreams explained to me that I was normal when they checked me in, which I remembered, but what they were doing to me was progressively making me worse, this was true, because now I could hardly talk, and couldn’t move my limbs. So I asked her…”am I retarded?” No she said, you’re not, they are just making you that way. I was convinced now, that the nurses were trying to kill me.
Day 7 March 9th
Vikki wants to talk again…
I got the night shift again, but this time I got there at 10pm and left at 2am. This day was even harder. As soon as I got there she asked where James was and when he was coming. I spent the next 4 hours answering this question. I asked her to sleep and he would get there sooner, but she wouldn’t. We watched TV for a minute, the Kardashians was on, but she asked me to turn it off. Then every couple minutes she would press power on the TV. (The TV was right in front of her face) She couldn’t actually press the button so I would ask her if she wanted to watch TV. She would say no, I just want to see the time. And then she would ask what time James was coming. I prayed he would be on time. And on the dot at 2 am he walked in the room. She was so happy. I was so happy. We passed time waiting for James by, turning on the fan, turning off the fan, sucking spit out of her mouth, feeding her ice, restraining her arm, restraining her foot, putting on the blanket, taking off the blanket and then repeat, repeat, repeat.
I felt so bad for making Vikki wait on me, it wasn’t her job, in my mind my mom got me into this mess so she was supposed to assist me . But I was hot then cold and I couldn’t move and I still didn’t know why, why didn’t anyone tell me? I just thought I knew why I was there, to be made into a vegetable so the doctors could read my dreams and then bring me back.
I am awake. But, there is a huge tube going down my throat. I don’t understand why it is there. I just keep gagging. I think if I throw up it might come out. In my dreams I am trying to throw up too. In my dreams Vikki says, “Don’t force it if you have to puke you have to puke.” I’m really confused. Someone tells me it’s helping me breathe, but I know I can breathe on my own. So, I try to pull it out. For some reason I remember being told, “If I don’t calm down none of my friends or family will be able to come visit me again.” Although this scares me, I think, that’s okay, I’ll just leave. At this point I think I’m doing a voluntary experiment. I think imp doing this for a favor to my mom for saving my life when a Ninja couple broke into our house and tried to kill us. Of course, that was a dream as well. But my dreams for the past five days have been my reality. And this place that I open my eyes to doesn’t make any sense. Since I was trying to take out the respirator and the other tubes they had to restrain me. I hated my restraint. In my dreams I was restrained as well. But it was to a video game system. For some reason I was being forced to play. I didn’t like playing it because it bumped around and hurt my head.
Day 6 March 8
Vikki wants to write…
Ryan and I got the night shift…I was super excited though because I finally was going to have alone time with an awake Rikki. I got there and my mom told me she was restrained because she was trying to pull out her tubes…I hurried my mom out there and finally got my alone time. She was speaking. The first thing she said was, “ah ah ehhhhh, take this thing off.” So Ryan took her restraint off. Her arm went crazy! Pulling at her tubes in her arm and her catheter…and even reaching up to swat her head! I yelled at Ryan, grab her hand. And he did…she would ask very politely to let go, and he would say, “I will if you promise to calm down.” She obliged, he’d let go and she would go crazy again. She was trying to leave too…she kept kicking and pushing the bed with all her might, on her right side, because at this point her left side still did not move. She had so much strength. It made me very happy. But, Ryan learned real quickly to stop untying her restraint. We were no longer fooled.
I remember doing this, but I remember it differently, I was tied up to a chair and I couldn’t get out, everyone was up and having a good time and I was tied to a chair, I asked Vikki’s boyfriend to free me I was begging him to cut me loose, I wanted to hang out and have fun too, but why wouldn’t anyone let me? What did I do to deserve this?
Vikki again….It also made me very sad to see her like this. I was so excited to hang out with her but she didn’t want to hang out with me. She kept asking for James. I kept telling her that he needs to sleep and please hang out with me but she just kept asking for him. She began petting Ryan’s head. She just stared at him completely ignoring me. I tried not to be jealous, not only was I not getting any attention but she was giving it to my man! But, I thought whatever, at least she’d calm. It wasn’t until later that I realized the reason she was petting Ryan is because she thought he was James. I told her that Ryan was Ryan and James was not there. I told her this over and over until she said, “I know that that is Ryan, I’m talking to James…he is standing right behind him.” I knew we had a problem…should I tell her she was seeing things or go along with it??? I decided to tell her she was just seeing things. She ignored me and instead started to talk to her imaginary James. She said, “James, why are you being so negative? Come here, come here…lay with me James.” I thought, uh oh, how is this going to end? She grabbed her pillow, cuddled it and at 6am, for the first time in 6 hours, she closed her eyes. And then 2 minutes later my shift was over, and Kate came in, and Rikki woke up.
In my dreams everyone was mad at James and he wasn’t allowed to see me, for some reason they were all keeping him away, for my defense Vikki’s boyfriend was wearing one of James shirts, in my dreams he was pretending to be James and I was really very annoyed. No I did not want to sleep I was afraid of my nightmares, but I was also afraid of reality because my hallucinations were taking over any form of reality I had.
My favorite story from this day however was when she asked me, in the best voice I’d heard from her yet…”oh my god, I’m a a…retard. I’m retarded.” I cried for the first time in front of her as I told her no…and I had to step out of the room.
Ok, this I remember as well, I was doing my experimental work for my mom, I didn’t want to but I promised her I would stay until I was done because she had saved my life from the ninjas…dreams. And vikki snuck in and told me the treatments I was doing for my mom were making me worse. Vikki in my dreams explained to me that I was normal when they checked me in, which I remembered, but what they were doing to me was progressively making me worse, this was true, because now I could hardly talk, and couldn’t move my limbs. So I asked her…”am I retarded?” No she said, you’re not, they are just making you that way. I was convinced now, that the nurses were trying to kill me.
Day 7 March 9th
Vikki wants to talk again…
I got the night shift again, but this time I got there at 10pm and left at 2am. This day was even harder. As soon as I got there she asked where James was and when he was coming. I spent the next 4 hours answering this question. I asked her to sleep and he would get there sooner, but she wouldn’t. We watched TV for a minute, the Kardashians was on, but she asked me to turn it off. Then every couple minutes she would press power on the TV. (The TV was right in front of her face) She couldn’t actually press the button so I would ask her if she wanted to watch TV. She would say no, I just want to see the time. And then she would ask what time James was coming. I prayed he would be on time. And on the dot at 2 am he walked in the room. She was so happy. I was so happy. We passed time waiting for James by, turning on the fan, turning off the fan, sucking spit out of her mouth, feeding her ice, restraining her arm, restraining her foot, putting on the blanket, taking off the blanket and then repeat, repeat, repeat.
I felt so bad for making Vikki wait on me, it wasn’t her job, in my mind my mom got me into this mess so she was supposed to assist me . But I was hot then cold and I couldn’t move and I still didn’t know why, why didn’t anyone tell me? I just thought I knew why I was there, to be made into a vegetable so the doctors could read my dreams and then bring me back.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 5 (March 6) I messed up the days.
Day 5 (March 6) I messed up the days.
I am awake, apparently I squeezed someone’s hand, but I have no idea what’s going on. I have a respirator in my throat which helps me breath, I have tubes coming out of my head that are draining the blood from my brain, I am unable to move, talk, and eat. I’m hallucinating, I see pink strings everywhere, they get into my mouth and get stuck in my throat. I think they are energy, I could watch them for hours they are soft and fuzzy and they sway to words and music. I also see people, they are always scary, they are watching me. No one else sees them my family walks to where they are and waves thier arms around to show me no one is there, but I don’t understand, because they were just there. I’m really confused, why can’t I figure out what’s going on? I think I’m still at my parent’s house, but it looks weird. And all the weird noises and smells, and it’s always so bright. Someone has the TV on and I hate when it’s on, it consumes my dreams, yea I dream I’m watching TV, it’s horrible, I like listening to music. It relaxes me I feel ok, I don’t have to think. Someone puts on country music and I love it, short stories done to music. Why can’t I communicate better.
I am awake, apparently I squeezed someone’s hand, but I have no idea what’s going on. I have a respirator in my throat which helps me breath, I have tubes coming out of my head that are draining the blood from my brain, I am unable to move, talk, and eat. I’m hallucinating, I see pink strings everywhere, they get into my mouth and get stuck in my throat. I think they are energy, I could watch them for hours they are soft and fuzzy and they sway to words and music. I also see people, they are always scary, they are watching me. No one else sees them my family walks to where they are and waves thier arms around to show me no one is there, but I don’t understand, because they were just there. I’m really confused, why can’t I figure out what’s going on? I think I’m still at my parent’s house, but it looks weird. And all the weird noises and smells, and it’s always so bright. Someone has the TV on and I hate when it’s on, it consumes my dreams, yea I dream I’m watching TV, it’s horrible, I like listening to music. It relaxes me I feel ok, I don’t have to think. Someone puts on country music and I love it, short stories done to music. Why can’t I communicate better.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Day 4 (March 6)
Day 4 (March 6)
Today they are waking me up from my coma. Because the Doctor doesn’t want any extra stimuli no one is allowed to see me. So no one but the nurses really know what happened here. It’s weird because I remember the nurses they were in my dreams, you really do know what’s going on when you’re in a coma. The shitty part about waking up from a coma is trying to make sence of everything, it’s impossible.
I just want to say here, thank you, my readers, my friends, your support really makes me want to prove that I can return to normal, just because you all believe in me, I don’t want to let you down. I love reading your comments and prayers, sharing them with my friends and family. Thank you.
Today they are waking me up from my coma. Because the Doctor doesn’t want any extra stimuli no one is allowed to see me. So no one but the nurses really know what happened here. It’s weird because I remember the nurses they were in my dreams, you really do know what’s going on when you’re in a coma. The shitty part about waking up from a coma is trying to make sence of everything, it’s impossible.
I just want to say here, thank you, my readers, my friends, your support really makes me want to prove that I can return to normal, just because you all believe in me, I don’t want to let you down. I love reading your comments and prayers, sharing them with my friends and family. Thank you.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Day 3 (March 4)
Day 3 I believe I’m still in a coma in ICU but my moms gonna tell you what really happened….
Today Rikki is still in a coma. We are taking turns sitting with her, holding her hand, talking and singing to her. I have been telling her over and over that the hardest part is over, her surgery went well and everything is going to be alright. I am torn between a deep conviction that everything will be fine, and a horrible thought that maybe it won’t. As I stare at her face and I pray that when she wakes she will still be the same Rikki. Today has been the hardest – it was the day they said they would try to wake her up and it doesn’t look like it is going to happen.
One of the nurses came up to me and told me that she watched Rikki’s show and she was a fan. She said Rikki looks so much smaller in person, and even though she wasn’t her nurse, she stops by all the time to check on her and see how she is doing. Her brother had been in a car wreck and had the same type of injury. He is doing fine now. It is good to hear positive stories from people who have been through this. Yesterday when I got to the hospital the nurse gave me a message from a reporter. It said to please call him. It is weird to have your daughter in the hospital and have strangers know who she is. When I got home today we did an interview for the news, asking everyone to PRAY as hard as they can. I pray all the time now.
I remember my mom singing…in my dreams I was being forced to stay in the hospital, I thought they were doing science experiences on me and trying to kill me. At one point I even said I quit and tried to leave. Of course I couldn’t leave, I was restrained because I kept trying. My dreams were very real to me even when I was awake I was hallucinating so I could not distinguish the difference between my dreams and reality. But everyone who came to visit me were in my dreams, my family, friends and nurses. Even the CT scanner was in my dreams and I dreamt about getting my skull sawed off. I lost hope in my dreams, I believed people and the world was a dark scary place, I am so greatful that part is over.
Today Rikki is still in a coma. We are taking turns sitting with her, holding her hand, talking and singing to her. I have been telling her over and over that the hardest part is over, her surgery went well and everything is going to be alright. I am torn between a deep conviction that everything will be fine, and a horrible thought that maybe it won’t. As I stare at her face and I pray that when she wakes she will still be the same Rikki. Today has been the hardest – it was the day they said they would try to wake her up and it doesn’t look like it is going to happen.
One of the nurses came up to me and told me that she watched Rikki’s show and she was a fan. She said Rikki looks so much smaller in person, and even though she wasn’t her nurse, she stops by all the time to check on her and see how she is doing. Her brother had been in a car wreck and had the same type of injury. He is doing fine now. It is good to hear positive stories from people who have been through this. Yesterday when I got to the hospital the nurse gave me a message from a reporter. It said to please call him. It is weird to have your daughter in the hospital and have strangers know who she is. When I got home today we did an interview for the news, asking everyone to PRAY as hard as they can. I pray all the time now.
I remember my mom singing…in my dreams I was being forced to stay in the hospital, I thought they were doing science experiences on me and trying to kill me. At one point I even said I quit and tried to leave. Of course I couldn’t leave, I was restrained because I kept trying. My dreams were very real to me even when I was awake I was hallucinating so I could not distinguish the difference between my dreams and reality. But everyone who came to visit me were in my dreams, my family, friends and nurses. Even the CT scanner was in my dreams and I dreamt about getting my skull sawed off. I lost hope in my dreams, I believed people and the world was a dark scary place, I am so greatful that part is over.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day 2 (March 3)
Day 2 ICU again I’m unaware of what went on so Vik’s going to fill you in here.
I thought Rikki was going to die. I thought I was going to die too. I felt like I had no reason live. The only reason I was staying alive was incase Rikki was. I curled up in a fetal position and sobbed like I have never sobbed before. For those of you that have seen Avatar I sobbed the way the blue chick did when her Dad died. It was horrible. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe it. I always thanked god every night when I went to sleep. I thanked him for keeping Rikki and me here together, and I was devastated that he might take her from me.
Anyway, back to day 2
Rikki is in her coma still. The Bakersfield news ran a story on the accident along with TMZ, E online, and others. Some people’s response was that this was a publicity stunt. I would like to inform those people that a publicity stunt is when a “love video” is released. For example, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardasian, that Miss California chick. This was not a publicity stunt. Rikki is laying in ICU with tubes coming out of every hole. Holes that you’re born with and holes that they made…Holes in her brain, her arms, her hands. She had bruises all over her body. From all the holes they were making. She was so full of liquid her body was swollen. She felt like a water balloon filled so much you thought it would pop, except her thick skin wouldn’t let it. I held her hand praying and telling her that everything was going to be okay as long as she didn’t give up. I begged her not to give up and I admit I was asking for very selfish reasons. I did not want to live in this world without her.
Nothing new happened at the hospital, and I was too scared to ask what was to come…so I would go home and seek words of strength from our friends and fans. And I want to thank all of you for that. Although I didn’t always believe the promises that everything was going to be okay, it was nice to hear it.
Thanks for all the comments, i love reading them. Your support is wonderful.
I thought Rikki was going to die. I thought I was going to die too. I felt like I had no reason live. The only reason I was staying alive was incase Rikki was. I curled up in a fetal position and sobbed like I have never sobbed before. For those of you that have seen Avatar I sobbed the way the blue chick did when her Dad died. It was horrible. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe it. I always thanked god every night when I went to sleep. I thanked him for keeping Rikki and me here together, and I was devastated that he might take her from me.
Anyway, back to day 2
Rikki is in her coma still. The Bakersfield news ran a story on the accident along with TMZ, E online, and others. Some people’s response was that this was a publicity stunt. I would like to inform those people that a publicity stunt is when a “love video” is released. For example, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardasian, that Miss California chick. This was not a publicity stunt. Rikki is laying in ICU with tubes coming out of every hole. Holes that you’re born with and holes that they made…Holes in her brain, her arms, her hands. She had bruises all over her body. From all the holes they were making. She was so full of liquid her body was swollen. She felt like a water balloon filled so much you thought it would pop, except her thick skin wouldn’t let it. I held her hand praying and telling her that everything was going to be okay as long as she didn’t give up. I begged her not to give up and I admit I was asking for very selfish reasons. I did not want to live in this world without her.
Nothing new happened at the hospital, and I was too scared to ask what was to come…so I would go home and seek words of strength from our friends and fans. And I want to thank all of you for that. Although I didn’t always believe the promises that everything was going to be okay, it was nice to hear it.
Thanks for all the comments, i love reading them. Your support is wonderful.
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