Day 8 (March 10)

March 10-

Today they started my liquid diet, which sucks but at least I get to put something in my mouth, chicken broth and disgusting jello. I can’t swallow liquids very well so every time I drink something I feel like I’m choking, it sucks because it hurts my head a lot when I choke down water. I had my first physical Therapy session today, i stood up with a walker and started doing exercises to keep the and regain the musles in the limbs I have'nt been using.

I know what happened! Last night James came in and told me to get some sleep, I haven’t slept in three days which is part of the reason I’m hallucinating. I told him about the dream places I go to and how horrible it is, and he doesn’t understand, I tell him how horrible life is and how I have faith in nothing anymore, I try to talk to him about the dreams I believe are real life and he seems confused, I tell him this is a bad dream as well but at least he’s here with me. Then he says something I don’t understand, he says this is real life.

I don’t get it, I try to explain the nightmares. All of them are just that he says…nightmares. Now, I’m somewhat relieved, all the horrible things that are going on in my life aren’t real?! (Ryan’s an amputee from war, my parents were almost killed now they are missing their eyes and teeth, there was a murder in our house, James left me to go to New York, my mom has been starving me for a weird science experiment which is taking out my memories through my dreams and making me retarded, my dad is making me sell my brain to be eaten by people who believe it will make them pretty, I have no hair, I have to wear a helmet that records my thoughts trough the TV, James dad hates me and crashes a boat into my parents house which is now just a weird experimental room that looks like a hospital and I am to be sold as a sex slave when my legs start working and my voice box will be cut out), this is amazing. I ask him, so you want me to go to sleep and when I wake up I’ll be able to walk out of here and go home to San Diego? I’m excited, yea I’ve been living in a nightmare the past 10 days but now it’s over and I’m going home. I close my eyes and open them again, I’m still in this horrible room still unable to move my left side. He is still there looking at me with the saddest eyes. Then he tells me, everything was a dream Rik, but this, this is real. But this dream is one of the worst. I don’t believe him, what happened? I want to scream, What is going on!!?? Then he explains, I was in a car accident, I had to have brain surgery, every day I get better, that’s why I need to sleep. One day we can go back to our old lives but this is life for now. I notice a huge get well sign made by my little sister, I remember Vikki hanging it up the night before. I ask him if he tells me this every day, he says this is the first, I ask him to write it on my arm so I can read it when I wake up. He says he’ll be here when I wake up and he’ll tell me again. When I woke up today, I didn’t need a reminder my memory was back and my nightmares were gone. Im back!